The Man in Black

I have not been in Rao's for an actual sit down in many a year.  Johnny Cash is on the stereo.
But I am here to ponder why I have held myself back for so long.  Perhaps, more importantly, how do I proceed and begin to live fully and openly from here?

When the push comes to shove I think I am not ready to seize any future I used to dream about.  But now is the time?  If not now, then when?

But Rao's is still a station-point of people I know.  Waves and nods and catching-up.  Social capital.

How do I proceed and begin to live fully and openly from here?

Emphasis intentional.  This very spot, so freighted with memory in spite of the renovations.  This emotional state I drag around with me across continents.  This socio-economic space I give too much power to.  This social net woven over decades.

Steps.  When a I cannot go another step into any future that seems in the realm of coming days.

Oh muse, I call upon you.  Grant me some fraction of your art and grace to find this voice.  Or the cowardice to pull a different trigger and spare the failure.

"Oh freedom is just people talking. Your prison is walking through this world all alone"
Desperado